Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
