i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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