she peed on how many people?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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