God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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