you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
