I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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