I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
