and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
