look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
