she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
