I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
