I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
