watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
