The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
