Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
