so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
