I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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