I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm like, not good at living.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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