you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
