Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
