So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
