well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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