I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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