On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
