How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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