If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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