We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
