I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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