i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
