The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
