Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
