How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
