Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
