I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
