Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
