I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
