I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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