He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
