Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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