tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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