DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
