you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
