She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
