Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
