why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
