Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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