You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize