i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
