dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
