flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
