we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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