Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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