Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
