Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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