Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
