I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
this hospital has no fireball
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
