It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
