Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
