You made me cry and you don't even care
return my video game
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
