I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
