Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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