Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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