in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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