is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
