drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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