Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
