He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
