Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
