dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
