Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
