I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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