somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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