I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
