trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
