she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sober January is a disaster.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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