I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
