You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
