Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love having hate sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
